[ Severus holds still, feeling more than a little odd about her cleaning his face - he even glances upwards for one dumb moment as if he'll be able to see himself, somehow - but he tolerates it well enough. ]
I'm not certain. [ He's got a few small cuts, most up near his hairline where he couldn't immediately fix anything, but it's nothing major. Some of the mess is still definitely not his. ] I did hit my head but it was - [ a gesture. the back of his head. ] - and it feels like it was bloody weeks ago by now.
[ Hit his head, nearly got demolished by a Balrog, got fired at by a dozen military drones, spent hours containing a werewolf in a mall infested by cordyceps monsters. It was weird. ] I feel like I should still be looking.
[ Claire lifts an eyebrow and almost laughs but doesn't, settling on pinching her lips together instead. There's enough blood and dirt on his face to warrant the use of a second pad of gauze, so she dampens that one again and repeats the process, looking him over clinically and trying to keep her face impassive. Even if there's nothing to clean up medicinally, it's all she has by way of liquid. ]
Hope you don't have a concussion or anything. [ Mostly satisfied, though there's still some dirt streaked here and there but she doesn't need to mother him, Claire crumbles the second strip of gauze up with the first in her hand and screws the cap back on the bottle. ] Then again, you've got suck a thick head it probably wouldn't make a difference.
[ Too soon for trying at jokes? ]
Me, too. I just don't know if I could manage to find my way back out again if I tried.
Hm. [ Severus raises his head so he can narrow his eyes at her from on high, expression mock-offended. Not quite too soon. He still doesn't laugh, but then, he probably wouldn't anyway.
He feels over-dry after being prodded at with peroxide, skin pulled tight, but it's probably an improvement. He's fully aware of what he looks like even without being bruised and gore-covered. ]
It can't be a coincidence everyone's piling back out in the same time frame. There was a track for us to run. [ What if they missed markers? People? Severus feels restless and can't help but glance around, scanning faces and making notes in his mind. ]
[ Claire is pleased with herself, at least. Whether because of the bang up job she's done at making him look less demolished or that little admission is anyone's guess, and she's not telling. She sets the medical things aside and wipes her hands on her filthy pants, drying them. ]
You can't think about it like that. [ She says it with conviction, like she's told herself the same thing before, been on the same side as him and knows exactly what he's thinking. ] It'll eat you alive.
[ But he's not the only one, and she would have turned back to keep looking if she hadn't been unable to do so. ]
[ Irritated - not at her - Severus shakes his head, once. ] I should have been out there to begin with.
[ On a recon team. He decided it would be stupid to go, and billed himself as more of an academic than anything else so that no one would question it; it's true, but that doesn't mean he isn't fully capable of doing something like that. Look at him here, having managed everything more or less fine. Mentally, he knows he's got a better chance of dealing with manipulation and torture than possibly anyone else here.
[ Empathy bleeds into her expression faster than she can suppress it, and Claire doesn't really care about that, because she's made it clear a hundred times that she'd wanted to do recon, that she should have been down there just the same. And she's felt the sick wash of guilt at having thought and thought and thought about how things might have been different if she could have stood between her team - all the others - and the oncoming train. In some ways she's surprised to hear it from him, given how removed he tries to act all the time; at the same time, though, she can't really be all that shocked, given what she knows about him. Not for the first time, Claire finds it difficult to line up the perceptions he's told her that other people have with the person standing in front of her. ]
If you had been down there, right from the start, then you would've ended up just like the rest of them. Just... not there. No idea what was happening. Maybe worse. And then where would we be? You can't blame yourself for not being down there when you did everything in your power up here to get down there.
[ It's said as much to convince herself as it is to reassure him. She gnaws on the inside of her cheek for a moment, and then glances away, fiddling a little with the dry gauze. ]
I would have been so pissed if you got stuck down there with the rest of them.
[ He's the only real friend here that she has. She wouldn't have been able to wait for everyone else if he'd been lost down there. ]
[ He didn't go because it was reckless and dangerous, he insisted she not go because it was reckless and dangerous - he knew, he still knows, but he can't help but feel angry about it. ]
I don't know what good it would have done, [ he admits quietly. Maybe it's just his control issues, at first feeling like he couldn't bear to go out there blind, finding himself more useful sorting data. Now he feels at the opposite end, lost and out of the loop about whatever it is that happened.
And then she says that and he doesn't know how to respond. He can't imagine a world where anyone would come looking for him if he were to vanish. He's useful, he should be applied where he'll be the most effective, and that's about all he has. ]
[ Reckless and dangerous are equal contenders for her second middle name, but Claire readily admits that it only applies to physical dangers. And she's not stupid. It would have been reckless and dangerous. What good would either of them have been as shells, numbed and convinced they were exactly where they were supposed to be? That they were going home. ]
That's the point. [ She agrees with him on that. Not that she's trying to build that as a slight against him, just that... there's nothing any of them could have done. Claire recognizes that now. Somehow it doesn't make her feel much better, but maybe that's the adrenaline crash talking. ] Besides, who else would have gone with me through that stupid house?
[ Claire isn't mistaken in knowing that she could have done it on her own, with or without his help, but it hadn't hurt. She feels like maybe reaching out and taking his hand again. Instead, she packs away the gauze until there's nothing left to distract herself with other than wondering without vocalizing the ramifications of what they've been through are going to be, what any of it means. ]
You seemed like you had it under control. [ Quietly. He does mean it; Claire isn't stupid, and personally he thinks she's a lot smarter than she realizes.
But also: ] Except for exactly what I said about that being time-consuming.
[ Calling Nathan Petrelli to the floor. Nathan Petrelli? Please come collect your daughter before she gives someone an aneurism. ]
It all happened so fast. [ Her tone is more serious now but there's still a little bit of a laugh hanging around the corners of her mouth and eyes. And, yes - ] Yeah, in all fairness we both kind of dropped the ball on that one, but I'm not sure what this little thing would have done against one of them.
[ As if to call its limits into question, Claire removes the blade from where she'd tucked it into her boot and lays it flat on her palm. ]
[ It's surreal, floating in this uncertain space between laughing and punching something, held up by tension - Severus is still crawling inside to do something, but he doesn't know what. For all he knows everyone could be back already. Knowing that Claire is safe is a relief (maybe more than it should be), but it's not everything. ]
Not inherently. I put a charm on it to keep it from breaking, that's all.
[ Some bleak humor might be found in that. Claire weighs the little knife in her hand, rolling in over the lines in her palm. Not aloud, she wonders if maybe that was why he had given it to her, although she knows, realistically, that it comes down to practicality and nothing else. Fingers close around it and offer it back .]
That probably would have been good to know before I decided to try my luck with the lamp. [ Her brow furrows. ] Or maybe after. I'm not sure. It came in handy later, at any rate.
Then keep it. [ He shrugs a little. ] I had a gun I didn't even use.
[ Borrowed from Heather instead of the gunnery - Heather had offered, and since it was from her personal collection, it meant Severus wasn't removing a resource from someone else who'd pick one up via security. He didn't really want it, but he hadn't trusted the ship to not blanket-out his magic, or some other damn thing. Fortunately it didn't go that way. ]
[ Wanting him to have something more solid and tangible is a weird desire, and she knows that, given what he can do with magic, what she's seen him do with it. There's a disemboweled manticore in her living room somewhere, after all. She gives him a look, as if saying if you're sure, and then curls the little switchblade back up in her palm and tucks it into her pocket with her comm unit. The pocket weighs a little heavier, and Claire feels more balanced. ]
You aren't going to go back down there, are you?
[ Is what she really wanted to ask. She just wants to be sure. ]
It's not mine. [ Weapons like that are a commodity onboard, especially for people who don't have the ability to cast a spell and turn a monster inside out. He wouldn't keep it even if Heather offered. ]
I don't know yet.
[ He doesn't know if everyone is out. He doesn't know if he can go back. ]
[ Severus gives her a look that's both challenging and bemused, because-- what's she going to do, throw herself on him to stop him? But also because the buddy system isn't exactly effective, down there. He has a feeling the idea to set out in groups was pointless, as much as he'd like to think otherwise.
And then he smiles, humorless and lopsided. ] Let me know when you go to sleep.
[ Maybe then he will, is the implication? Who are you fooling, Claire. ]
[ Do you really doubt her that? She's very good at throwing herself in front of things. Just watch the video tapes.
As for a response, Claire just narrows her eyes. Not unpleasantly, but with an amplification of stubbornness not totally uncommon with her. I probably don't need to sleep, she thinks, but doesn't say, because she's sure he'd have a response for that, too. Not to mention how exhausted she feels herself. ]
Will you let me give a crap about you and actually, you know, show it, for longer than five seconds, just this once?
[ She does know that he's kidding. Sort of. Which is why she doesn't haul off and smack him across the face, even though she kind of wants to. Caring about him on any level is something like driving her head repeatedly into a brick wall: it doesn't really hurt and it seems really stupid and insane to keep doing it, but there's always the belief that maybe one of these days her skull is going to be thick enough to make a dent.
Instead, she shoves him, palm hard and flat on his shoulder. Her face is full of agitated, tired frustration. ]
[ Severus lets himself be wobbled back a little, and he reaches out to snag her arm - lightly - to balance himself. At a loss, he leaves his hand there.
[ That's better than nothing. Although if Claire is being honest with herself, she's been getting less and less nothing from him over the months - months? - that she's known him. Maybe she's been making a dent after all. She tries not too look to pleased with herself all the same, which isn't difficult under his scrutiny.
She doesn't say anything either. Just takes a deep breath and lets it out again.
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I'm not certain. [ He's got a few small cuts, most up near his hairline where he couldn't immediately fix anything, but it's nothing major. Some of the mess is still definitely not his. ] I did hit my head but it was - [ a gesture. the back of his head. ] - and it feels like it was bloody weeks ago by now.
[ Hit his head, nearly got demolished by a Balrog, got fired at by a dozen military drones, spent hours containing a werewolf in a mall infested by cordyceps monsters. It was weird. ] I feel like I should still be looking.
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Hope you don't have a concussion or anything. [ Mostly satisfied, though there's still some dirt streaked here and there but she doesn't need to mother him, Claire crumbles the second strip of gauze up with the first in her hand and screws the cap back on the bottle. ] Then again, you've got suck a thick head it probably wouldn't make a difference.
[ Too soon for trying at jokes? ]
Me, too. I just don't know if I could manage to find my way back out again if I tried.
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He feels over-dry after being prodded at with peroxide, skin pulled tight, but it's probably an improvement. He's fully aware of what he looks like even without being bruised and gore-covered. ]
It can't be a coincidence everyone's piling back out in the same time frame. There was a track for us to run. [ What if they missed markers? People? Severus feels restless and can't help but glance around, scanning faces and making notes in his mind. ]
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You can't think about it like that. [ She says it with conviction, like she's told herself the same thing before, been on the same side as him and knows exactly what he's thinking. ] It'll eat you alive.
[ But he's not the only one, and she would have turned back to keep looking if she hadn't been unable to do so. ]
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[ On a recon team. He decided it would be stupid to go, and billed himself as more of an academic than anything else so that no one would question it; it's true, but that doesn't mean he isn't fully capable of doing something like that. Look at him here, having managed everything more or less fine. Mentally, he knows he's got a better chance of dealing with manipulation and torture than possibly anyone else here.
But he sat out, and now--
This. ]
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If you had been down there, right from the start, then you would've ended up just like the rest of them. Just... not there. No idea what was happening. Maybe worse. And then where would we be? You can't blame yourself for not being down there when you did everything in your power up here to get down there.
[ It's said as much to convince herself as it is to reassure him. She gnaws on the inside of her cheek for a moment, and then glances away, fiddling a little with the dry gauze. ]
I would have been so pissed if you got stuck down there with the rest of them.
[ He's the only real friend here that she has. She wouldn't have been able to wait for everyone else if he'd been lost down there. ]
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I don't know what good it would have done, [ he admits quietly. Maybe it's just his control issues, at first feeling like he couldn't bear to go out there blind, finding himself more useful sorting data. Now he feels at the opposite end, lost and out of the loop about whatever it is that happened.
And then she says that and he doesn't know how to respond. He can't imagine a world where anyone would come looking for him if he were to vanish. He's useful, he should be applied where he'll be the most effective, and that's about all he has. ]
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That's the point. [ She agrees with him on that. Not that she's trying to build that as a slight against him, just that... there's nothing any of them could have done. Claire recognizes that now. Somehow it doesn't make her feel much better, but maybe that's the adrenaline crash talking. ] Besides, who else would have gone with me through that stupid house?
[ Claire isn't mistaken in knowing that she could have done it on her own, with or without his help, but it hadn't hurt. She feels like maybe reaching out and taking his hand again. Instead, she packs away the gauze until there's nothing left to distract herself with other than wondering without vocalizing the ramifications of what they've been through are going to be, what any of it means. ]
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But also: ] Except for exactly what I said about that being time-consuming.
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You mean the impromptu biology lesson on my living room floor, professor?
[ Claire has never been good at keeping a joke to herself until the punchline rolls around so her expression is just this one forever. ]
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I rather meant you going for a table lamp instead of a knife. [ a beat. ] That in fairness we both forgot you had.
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It all happened so fast. [ Her tone is more serious now but there's still a little bit of a laugh hanging around the corners of her mouth and eyes. And, yes - ] Yeah, in all fairness we both kind of dropped the ball on that one, but I'm not sure what this little thing would have done against one of them.
[ As if to call its limits into question, Claire removes the blade from where she'd tucked it into her boot and lays it flat on her palm. ]
I guess I should have asked before, is it magic?
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Not inherently. I put a charm on it to keep it from breaking, that's all.
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That probably would have been good to know before I decided to try my luck with the lamp. [ Her brow furrows. ] Or maybe after. I'm not sure. It came in handy later, at any rate.
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[ Borrowed from Heather instead of the gunnery - Heather had offered, and since it was from her personal collection, it meant Severus wasn't removing a resource from someone else who'd pick one up via security. He didn't really want it, but he hadn't trusted the ship to not blanket-out his magic, or some other damn thing. Fortunately it didn't go that way. ]
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[ Wanting him to have something more solid and tangible is a weird desire, and she knows that, given what he can do with magic, what she's seen him do with it. There's a disemboweled manticore in her living room somewhere, after all. She gives him a look, as if saying if you're sure, and then curls the little switchblade back up in her palm and tucks it into her pocket with her comm unit. The pocket weighs a little heavier, and Claire feels more balanced. ]
You aren't going to go back down there, are you?
[ Is what she really wanted to ask. She just wants to be sure. ]
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I don't know yet.
[ He doesn't know if everyone is out. He doesn't know if he can go back. ]
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[ This said with both a firm tone and expression, which she trades for something a little... less once she realizes how stubborn she's being. ]
You look exhausted, Severus.
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And then he smiles, humorless and lopsided. ] Let me know when you go to sleep.
[ Maybe then he will, is the implication? Who are you fooling, Claire. ]
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As for a response, Claire just narrows her eyes. Not unpleasantly, but with an amplification of stubbornness not totally uncommon with her. I probably don't need to sleep, she thinks, but doesn't say, because she's sure he'd have a response for that, too. Not to mention how exhausted she feels herself. ]
Will you let me give a crap about you and actually, you know, show it, for longer than five seconds, just this once?
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Look, he's bad at this. ]
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Instead, she shoves him, palm hard and flat on his shoulder. Her face is full of agitated, tired frustration. ]
Too bad.
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Instead of talking he just looks at her.
All right. ]
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She doesn't say anything either. Just takes a deep breath and lets it out again.
Better. ]