Noble of you to have looked. [ Severus drifts closer and touches her shoulder, the movement feeling slightly experimental. He drops his hand after only a moment. ] Is there anything I should finish?
[ Cooking. Since they're used to each other's methods by now. He's going to get glasses of water, anyway. ]
[ The stool drags loudly against the floor as she stands and moves away in an automatic step, guided by routine and quickly slipping back into focus from her haphazard browse of the system. ]
No, I think - plates? Actually bowls would be better.
[ Since he's over there. She's just going to find silverware, already having mapped out the drawers in search for utensils to stir and drain with. She grabs the bowl and utensil she'll be using to portion out the pasta. There are no thoughts spared for how surreal this is. This has been a part of her life for months, now. At this point it's too familiar to feel strange. ]
[ It's more normal than what Severus has at home. He can barely imagine doing this with anyone; a witch would never tolerate him. Not with who he is. Not with how he is.
Bowls, glasses of water. He sets them out. ]
I'm not altogether thrilled about anyone going back into the corridors, [ he says to the tune of space-porcelain clinking into place. There's no explanation why. She knows why, they were both there. ] I want to ask something of you.
[ Claire doesn't have to agree out loud for him to know that she agree with him. It isn't necessary a smart idea, and it's never going to be, but if it ultimately means that they're able to figure something out about this place, then it's worth it. She isn't afraid, maybe irresponsibly, but she's hardly bouncing around in her seat at the prospect. It's a duty, a job to do; she does feel proud that someone picked her to do it, even if it's dangerous.
After setting down the silverware, she puts some pasta into his bowl and then into hers, wiping imaginary sauce off on her pants and glancing up at him. The question can't be anything arbitrary or he wouldn't have brought it up in the first place. ]
I don't want you to go into the white doors if you find them.
[ It could come off like an order, but in his tone it sounds like a request even with the lack of question mark. ]
Everyone will hear about it before you go. But what's happened to the ones who've already been in them - they're changing. Things wrong with their minds. Whatever it is, going in blind will only turn you into someone else.
[ Claire folds both of her hands on the counter and faces him. ]
I hadn't planned on it.
[ Her answer is automatic, though not defensive. That was the reason for the recommended medical exam, after all, and regardless of her own opinions regarding her physical state and capabilities, Claire knows better than to plunge headfirst into the absolute unknown. Oncoming buses? Sure. A shark tank? Yeah, okay. But she's not interested in having the core of her person fucked with, not after what she's seen following the initial venture into the corridors and what she had encountered while she was down there. ]
And I know better than that. Even for regenerating girls, there are some things you just don't try without a better understanding of what's going on behind the door. I plan on putting anyone who wants to in a headlock to try and discourage them.
[ Knowing what they do, knowing he'll be urging them not to, she can't imagine that anyone would try, but if she's being honest that is the only thing that might persuade her to go in. Fortunately she doesn't like Erik that much and barely knows Natasi. ]
[ Severus watches, eyes on hers, as she answers. His expression is unreadable. Finally, he nods. ]
It's not recklessness I expect, [ he says, picking up a fork. ] It's your tendency towards fearlessness.
[ It may end up seeming like a good idea to go in there, if they find it. The right idea, or something inexplicable, demanding. But Severus still has to hope fiercely that she - and Lily - won't.
[ How many times has she looked her father dead in the face and expressly told him that she wouldn't do something and then turned around and did it anyway? She has to be past fingers and onto toes by now. Maybe even beyond that. But those circumstances have always been different, more tangible and definite. At home, Claire knows that there's nothing that can stop her. Here, the same can't be said with any degree of positivity. She's come out okay so far, but that's so far. Everything else is a nebulous unknown. ]
Okay, if we find a white door, I promise - [ Pause for dramatic effect. Or so she can stand a little closer and put her hands on either side of him, fingers curling into his shirt. ] - I won't open it.
[ He is right, though, in a sense. She's not afraid of it of what's behind it, but she would be worried about the outcome for him if she did go in and something happened. ]
[ Severus slides one hand to close over one of hers, pale fingers entwining. ]
Thank you. [ A concession to dramatic effect, but it's also sincere. He really is very serious about this, and not just because of the results. Shepard and Javik are dead, not just gone, they're smears of matter somewhere out there, obliterated by the jump.
The white door is the key. But they need to know more first. ]
[ Privately she does wonder how they're ever going to find out more about this mysterious and aptly named white door if they're unable to do anything with it, but there's no hazmat suits in existence to place an effective barrier between them and whatever it is that door does to people. If they come across it, maybe they'll be able to glean something just by standing in relative proximity, but she's not going to go looking specifically. Not until there's no choice left, and not when he's made it a point to directly ask her not to.
She's up on her toes to press her lips to the corner of his without ceremony or hesitation, using his shoulders for balance, an implicit expression of her overall understanding and acknowledgment of his concern. Slowly, she moves away and occupies herself otherwise. ]
There's a good chance we won't even find one of those doors. Or anything at all, for that matter.
It'd be counterproductive to hope for that, [ he murmurs while she's still close. Severus brushes his hand against her upper arm, but doesn't grasp on to anything, instead returning to finish the table set-up when she steps away. Because nothing would be safer, but a waste of time. Of course they all want to find something or else there's no point in trying. But it's hard to hope for results when the results are bullshit. ]
I've decided to hope for nothing and just watch. And maybe that'll be better.
Edited (i forgot half the tag i guess) 2014-10-11 18:13 (UTC)
At least you won't be disappointed, taking that stance.
[ And stressed out, if her experience with running comms is anything to go by, but then he isn't exactly her so he's got that going for him. Claire finishes portioning out the food and climbs onto one of the stools, crossing her legs at the ankles and leaning with her hands in her lap while she waits for him to take his seat. No elbows on the table. ]
I think I'm paired up with Erik and Natasi. [ She hopes that she's saying that correctly. She hadn't gotten Ilde's name completely right the first time, even after hearing it pronounced. ] Any tips?
[ Severus sits down around the corner from her, table manners refined occasionally, and occasionally not. He does that slightly cheating thing of forearms angled on the table.
There's no correction on Natasi's name - he'd have to say he thinks the way it sounds in the Texas almost-accent she has sounds cute, and then he might have to kill himself. ]
They both feel passionately about the way humans have treated their respective people. Different levels of anger, and hurt. They are dedicated, but it's difficult to be trapped here and to work to help people who hate you.
[ Claire takes a bite of the pasta, which isn't amazing by her standards but is probably going to be better than most dishes prepared on a spaceship with artificial food and back-of-the-cupboard pasta. She has at least gotten a decent handle on manipulating what she finds to make it taste less like plastic or cardboard, and she considers that a success. She'll wait until she's chewed and swallowed and considered what he's said for the adequate amount of time before saying anything else herself. ]
It seems strange that they would both be so adamant about going down into the tunnels, then. Unless it's some kind of mix of curiosity and responsibility.
[ That's a little of what she feels, a combination of the two, which ultimately does boil down to doing the right thing even if it benefits people who might look at them with their noses upturned. ]
Or maybe self-preservation.
[ Since this ship is trying to murder them all anyway. ]
It's not strange. [ Severus's tone is mild, but adamant. ] Just because someone has pain, or anger, doesn't mean they're incapable of multitasking or prioritizing, or being genuine about it. I feel like that mindset is very characteristic of the people who would discriminate against mutants, or posthumans, or witches. Mistrusting flexibility and cooperation in others because they have none themselves.
[ Maybe it's obvious that he speaks from experience on both sides of the fence. He keeps his voice soft. ]
[ She always is. Every time something terrible happens as a result of or during the course of them trying to figure anything out, Claire has the sinking feeling that everyone is going to slink into some corner to lick their wounds and never come out again. They've had enough tragic setbacks to warrant any exploration being abandoned, and she appreciates that she's not the only one with an urge to persevere. More than that, it's encouraging to see people who are more like her, in terms of dictionary definition and scientific arrangement, press on. Her role models in that capacity have not been exceptionally reassuring. ]
I'm glad anyone is, really. [ She's just getting stuck on something that someone told her, which as a result leaves her fork perched along the lip of her bowl with a couple of sharp taps. ] By tips I mean... well I talked to this girl named Rogue who wasn't exactly singing Erik's praises.
[ Actually it rang pretty true to some other psycho that she knows, so she just wants to be sure if she needs to bring a two by four to knock him out with if he starts getting a little intense. ]
[ Oh. That. Only fractionally mollified, Severus considers as he gives the pasta a shot. (It's good.) ]
Rogue is one of my patients. I've worked with her quite a bit since she's arrived. [ Just so that's out there. She doesn't hide her powers, and has been receptive of him talking to people to try and further treatment, so he doesn't feel a need to be silent about it. ] I've heard about what Erik is like in her time. Charles, too. What she says about Charles makes me wonder if it's the same world at all but Erik..
[ He shrugs, exhales through his nose. More pasta. ]
I understand men like him. He's dangerous. Probably brilliant.
[ But dangerous. ]
He wouldn't do anything to endanger this operation. And I'm confident in your ability to observe him.
[ She hadn't outright agreed with the assessment regarding Charles either, and she did just decide to give him a puppy. Still, that and the nature of his ability are pretty much all she knows about him. Not a solid list of pros and cons but better than the blank slate that Erik affords.
Dangerous continues to stand out in her mind. Claire remains unafraid. She smiles, a little tight-lipped, right before taking a drink of water. ]
I didn't think so, since he was the one who contacted me in the first place about it. [ Per his recommendation, she hasn't forgotten. ] But it's nice to be prepared. [ She shoves something green into her mouth and chews thoughtfully for a minute. One arm has crept up onto the counter, unbidden and unconsciously. Claire leans on it, a little. ] It's kind of... cool, honestly. Doing this kind of thing, with people who are kind of... like me, sort of. It's refreshing that we aren't all trying to kill or use each other. Nice change of pace.
[ She shrugs a shoulder and makes a noise that is vaguely I dunno in admitting as much. ]
There are arseholes and lunatics in every population and culture, [ Severus says. More experience talking. But-- ]
It's good. You deserve to not feel like an outsider.
[ He has no other worthwhile advice, for dealing with identity. He hates the outside world and the wizarding world hates him. Severus knows he can't properly understand, being who he is. ]
Just as long as Erik doesn't try anything fishy, I think we'll be okay. [ This punctuated by a particularly artful twirl with her fork, which results in her not dripping onto the counter top, as if to demonstrate her skills. ] But I'm perfectly capable of bringing a two by four in with me, just in case he gets mouthy.
[ For the record, she would actually hit someone with a wooden plank if she needed to, though her tone is not immediately suggestive of this. Maybe not a wooden plank. Maybe more like a canteen since carrying giant boards into small, potentially haunted areas doesn't seem like the best plan of action, but Claire appreciates the image so she goes with it.
Well. Nothing metal. [ Wryly. Maybe a two by four would be a good idea; a better one would probably be getting someone to fashion a wooden shiv.
Thinking pleasant thoughts as always. ]
I'm hoping if this isn't a complete disaster that it can be cut down to one team per jump. Rotating, maybe. Minimizing anyone's exposure to the heart of the ship.
[ Claire doesn't outright understand but after a beat it catches up to her. Which is. Interesting. Claire is sure there is some scientific, psychological study detailing why people who possess both great and dangerous power also almost always turn out to be unrepentant assholes. Then again, she would probably rather deal with an unrepentant asshole over someone who is clearly still a psychopath trying to pretend to have reformed. At least everyone is honest in that dialog. ]
It's not gonna be a complete disaster. [ She is sure of that, or at least her tone of voice is, working so hard to convince the both of them. It's not like they're going to get down there and find nothing and spend twenty minutes listening to David Bowie or anything. ] I just want us to find something. Not more murals or voices or shadow people. Just something. It has to be out there. We can't just keep running in circles and into and through locked doors forever. Eventually something's going to give.
Mm. [ Eventually. Hopefully. Severus is neither optimistic or wandering around under rainclouds about it-- he knows for certain, however, that the quickest way to ensure their failure is to stop trying. Whatever ends up happening, at least there's that. ] 'Something' could be the smallest detail. It could be the ship turning inside out again. We'll have to see.
[ A beat. ] Well, you.
[ He's managed to reel it in, but Severus feels slightly frustrated at not going himself, still. ]
[ She arches an eyebrow, letting some of the pasta plop down back into the bowl with a soft sound. ]
Can't wait.
[ Actually she has been dying to know since the moment that she stepped on board and was no longer so disoriented that she could piece together the fact the Tranquility was not the end product of every dumb decision she had ever made on behalf of her entire culture of people with powers. So that's half-sarcastic and half-genuine. Claire gets caught somewhere in between and gives him a empathetic look. ]
Running comms when everyone else is submerged in the thick of things is frustrating. [ Speaking from experience, especially if things go wrong. ] Why did you decide to be the one who stays behind?
I'm a department head now. I have things that can't be attended to by anyone else, I have patients. [ Pragmatic, but not thrilled about it. ] If our story for moving without involving security is that it's an unfair strain of resources to involve them, then sending department heads in there would be just as much of a strain.
I'm already frustrated and you haven't left yet, but I'll endure.
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[ Cooking. Since they're used to each other's methods by now. He's going to get glasses of water, anyway. ]
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No, I think - plates? Actually bowls would be better.
[ Since he's over there. She's just going to find silverware, already having mapped out the drawers in search for utensils to stir and drain with. She grabs the bowl and utensil she'll be using to portion out the pasta. There are no thoughts spared for how surreal this is. This has been a part of her life for months, now. At this point it's too familiar to feel strange. ]
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Bowls, glasses of water. He sets them out. ]
I'm not altogether thrilled about anyone going back into the corridors, [ he says to the tune of space-porcelain clinking into place. There's no explanation why. She knows why, they were both there. ] I want to ask something of you.
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After setting down the silverware, she puts some pasta into his bowl and then into hers, wiping imaginary sauce off on her pants and glancing up at him. The question can't be anything arbitrary or he wouldn't have brought it up in the first place. ]
What's that?
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[ It could come off like an order, but in his tone it sounds like a request even with the lack of question mark. ]
Everyone will hear about it before you go. But what's happened to the ones who've already been in them - they're changing. Things wrong with their minds. Whatever it is, going in blind will only turn you into someone else.
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I hadn't planned on it.
[ Her answer is automatic, though not defensive. That was the reason for the recommended medical exam, after all, and regardless of her own opinions regarding her physical state and capabilities, Claire knows better than to plunge headfirst into the absolute unknown. Oncoming buses? Sure. A shark tank? Yeah, okay. But she's not interested in having the core of her person fucked with, not after what she's seen following the initial venture into the corridors and what she had encountered while she was down there. ]
And I know better than that. Even for regenerating girls, there are some things you just don't try without a better understanding of what's going on behind the door. I plan on putting anyone who wants to in a headlock to try and discourage them.
[ Knowing what they do, knowing he'll be urging them not to, she can't imagine that anyone would try, but if she's being honest that is the only thing that might persuade her to go in. Fortunately she doesn't like Erik that much and barely knows Natasi. ]
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It's not recklessness I expect, [ he says, picking up a fork. ] It's your tendency towards fearlessness.
[ It may end up seeming like a good idea to go in there, if they find it. The right idea, or something inexplicable, demanding. But Severus still has to hope fiercely that she - and Lily - won't.
He doesn't know what he'd do. ]
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Okay, if we find a white door, I promise - [ Pause for dramatic effect. Or so she can stand a little closer and put her hands on either side of him, fingers curling into his shirt. ] - I won't open it.
[ He is right, though, in a sense. She's not afraid of it of what's behind it, but she would be worried about the outcome for him if she did go in and something happened. ]
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Thank you. [ A concession to dramatic effect, but it's also sincere. He really is very serious about this, and not just because of the results. Shepard and Javik are dead, not just gone, they're smears of matter somewhere out there, obliterated by the jump.
The white door is the key. But they need to know more first. ]
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She's up on her toes to press her lips to the corner of his without ceremony or hesitation, using his shoulders for balance, an implicit expression of her overall understanding and acknowledgment of his concern. Slowly, she moves away and occupies herself otherwise. ]
There's a good chance we won't even find one of those doors. Or anything at all, for that matter.
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I've decided to hope for nothing and just watch. And maybe that'll be better.
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[ And stressed out, if her experience with running comms is anything to go by, but then he isn't exactly her so he's got that going for him. Claire finishes portioning out the food and climbs onto one of the stools, crossing her legs at the ankles and leaning with her hands in her lap while she waits for him to take his seat. No elbows on the table. ]
I think I'm paired up with Erik and Natasi. [ She hopes that she's saying that correctly. She hadn't gotten Ilde's name completely right the first time, even after hearing it pronounced. ] Any tips?
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There's no correction on Natasi's name - he'd have to say he thinks the way it sounds in the Texas almost-accent she has sounds cute, and then he might have to kill himself. ]
They both feel passionately about the way humans have treated their respective people. Different levels of anger, and hurt. They are dedicated, but it's difficult to be trapped here and to work to help people who hate you.
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It seems strange that they would both be so adamant about going down into the tunnels, then. Unless it's some kind of mix of curiosity and responsibility.
[ That's a little of what she feels, a combination of the two, which ultimately does boil down to doing the right thing even if it benefits people who might look at them with their noses upturned. ]
Or maybe self-preservation.
[ Since this ship is trying to murder them all anyway. ]
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[ Maybe it's obvious that he speaks from experience on both sides of the fence. He keeps his voice soft. ]
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[ She always is. Every time something terrible happens as a result of or during the course of them trying to figure anything out, Claire has the sinking feeling that everyone is going to slink into some corner to lick their wounds and never come out again. They've had enough tragic setbacks to warrant any exploration being abandoned, and she appreciates that she's not the only one with an urge to persevere. More than that, it's encouraging to see people who are more like her, in terms of dictionary definition and scientific arrangement, press on. Her role models in that capacity have not been exceptionally reassuring. ]
I'm glad anyone is, really. [ She's just getting stuck on something that someone told her, which as a result leaves her fork perched along the lip of her bowl with a couple of sharp taps. ] By tips I mean... well I talked to this girl named Rogue who wasn't exactly singing Erik's praises.
[ Actually it rang pretty true to some other psycho that she knows, so she just wants to be sure if she needs to bring a two by four to knock him out with if he starts getting a little intense. ]
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Rogue is one of my patients. I've worked with her quite a bit since she's arrived. [ Just so that's out there. She doesn't hide her powers, and has been receptive of him talking to people to try and further treatment, so he doesn't feel a need to be silent about it. ] I've heard about what Erik is like in her time. Charles, too. What she says about Charles makes me wonder if it's the same world at all but Erik..
[ He shrugs, exhales through his nose. More pasta. ]
I understand men like him. He's dangerous. Probably brilliant.
[ But dangerous. ]
He wouldn't do anything to endanger this operation. And I'm confident in your ability to observe him.
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Dangerous continues to stand out in her mind. Claire remains unafraid. She smiles, a little tight-lipped, right before taking a drink of water. ]
I didn't think so, since he was the one who contacted me in the first place about it. [ Per his recommendation, she hasn't forgotten. ] But it's nice to be prepared. [ She shoves something green into her mouth and chews thoughtfully for a minute. One arm has crept up onto the counter, unbidden and unconsciously. Claire leans on it, a little. ] It's kind of... cool, honestly. Doing this kind of thing, with people who are kind of... like me, sort of. It's refreshing that we aren't all trying to kill or use each other. Nice change of pace.
[ She shrugs a shoulder and makes a noise that is vaguely I dunno in admitting as much. ]
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It's good. You deserve to not feel like an outsider.
[ He has no other worthwhile advice, for dealing with identity. He hates the outside world and the wizarding world hates him. Severus knows he can't properly understand, being who he is. ]
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[ For the record, she would actually hit someone with a wooden plank if she needed to, though her tone is not immediately suggestive of this. Maybe not a wooden plank. Maybe more like a canteen since carrying giant boards into small, potentially haunted areas doesn't seem like the best plan of action, but Claire appreciates the image so she goes with it.
Belatedly, something occurs to her. ]
I'm not really sure where I'd get a two by four.
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Thinking pleasant thoughts as always. ]
I'm hoping if this isn't a complete disaster that it can be cut down to one team per jump. Rotating, maybe. Minimizing anyone's exposure to the heart of the ship.
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It's not gonna be a complete disaster. [ She is sure of that, or at least her tone of voice is, working so hard to convince the both of them. It's not like they're going to get down there and find nothing and spend twenty minutes listening to David Bowie or anything. ] I just want us to find something. Not more murals or voices or shadow people. Just something. It has to be out there. We can't just keep running in circles and into and through locked doors forever. Eventually something's going to give.
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[ A beat. ] Well, you.
[ He's managed to reel it in, but Severus feels slightly frustrated at not going himself, still. ]
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Can't wait.
[ Actually she has been dying to know since the moment that she stepped on board and was no longer so disoriented that she could piece together the fact the Tranquility was not the end product of every dumb decision she had ever made on behalf of her entire culture of people with powers. So that's half-sarcastic and half-genuine. Claire gets caught somewhere in between and gives him a empathetic look. ]
Running comms when everyone else is submerged in the thick of things is frustrating. [ Speaking from experience, especially if things go wrong. ] Why did you decide to be the one who stays behind?
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I'm already frustrated and you haven't left yet, but I'll endure.
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