It just is what it is. [ Claire shrugs, because this isn't Hayden Panettiere's part in Remember the Titans. ] I've never had any real desire to play football either way, so I guess it never bothered me before. And being a cheerleader was never even really about supporting it. I mean, I wanted it, but not for the reasons I said I did.
[ It was the bus rides and the bake sales and the popularity that came with it, trying to be Jackie and being something that she wasn't in an attempt to cater to the kind of person she thought that she wanted to be. She could make an argument that all of it was what got Jackie killed but it would be a shitty and cruel argument, considering the only thing that got Jackie killed was Claire. ]
When you're younger, I think they make more of an effort to put boys and girls on the same team, and maybe in gym class. But that's not the same thing. It's kind of weird. All this emphasis at a young age and then you grow up and you aren't going to see any of the Dallas Cowboys' cheerleaders suiting up to kick a field goal. [ Blah blah blah. ] Football is odd. Sports are odd. It's all weird.
[ A not too long but still notable silence in which Severus is just rubbing her foot, listening, apparently accepting that explanation of pointless gender inequality in muggle society. (Not that the wizarding world is free of it, not by far, it just seems so much less pronounced.
He's going to change the subject when suddenly-- ] Oh this'd be American football.
[ Okay no no that's fine this makes a bit more sense now. ]
[ Claire just barely laughs and draws her foot away from his grip so that she can more effectively maneuver herself to sit next to him. ]
Was it the accent that gave me away?
[ She lets her knee bump into his leg as she adjusts her position into a more comfortable one, though it's debatable that anything would be more comfortable than getting a foot massage. If she has any further thoughts about the inequality inherent in American sports, she doesn't entertain it. Instead she frees her hands from where they've pressed into the sofa cushions to catch his wrist and draw his hand into her lap. Her thumbs smooth over the lines in his palms, kneading into skin and tendon. She's not going to rub anyone's feet, but she figures he does more with his hands anyway. ]
I can barely keep track of muggle sports in the UK, [ is his mid protest. It's true though. ] I can't be arsed to commit the overseas versions to memory, too.
[ And, aw, that's kind of sweet. Severus is a little bit shy about it because, as ever, he knows his hands are rough and damaged; nicked and stained all over on close inspection, pale and spiderlike anyway.
The bleak subject of sports is probably a good time to fade out into general chat, maybe companionable silence in a pretty Paris atmosphere. After a while, Severus's comms device buzzes, and he takes it out with the intent to set it aside - but it's Charles. And it
says
William is in the brig
for getting drunk and attacking Sirius
oh
Severus starts laughing. It sounds kind of pained. ]
That's not going to stop me from asking more questions about snitches and quaffles.
[ She points out, before falling into relative silence so that she can focus on what she's doing and let her brain decompress a little. Not that her work is particularly testing of her brainpower, but there has been a lot to process in the last few days, and it's relaxing to just sit and not have to follow her brain's trajectory, moving at speeds upwards at several hundred miles per hour. At one point, she rearranges herself again, turning so that she's facing him directly and can give herself more immediate access to what she's doing.
He's right in listing the condition and quality of his palms and fingers, but she's not here to suggest he get a manicure. Both of her thumbs map out the surface area of his knuckles and the web of skin between thumb and forefinger, slip down to push against the heel of his hand, and then fan out over the bones in his wrist and back up again. It's monotonous and quiet, until he starts laughing, at which point she scrunches her eyebrows together and looks up at him, angling her eyes first at his comms device and then up at his profile. ]
[ Claire has to scroll through the messages from top to bottom and back again a couple of times and squint at the screen once. If she had glasses, she would probably adjust them. Good, is the first thing that she thinks, though that would probably not come across too clearly so she goes with something else. ]
I guess getting thrown in the brig for that makes sense. [ She holds his unit out to hand back to him. ] Sirius more than deserved it.
[ There isn't an ounce of her that's saying that just to say it either. Coming across Sirius in the hallway herself, she probably would have at least broken his nose. ]
Black is in prison. [ At home, in the real world. Severus leans back on the sofa and stares at the ceiling - the artificial Parisian sky. One hand still against his forehead, fingers jammed into his hair. ] He'll get out and then be killed. He gets what he deserves.
[ Severus exhales and closes his eyes. He doesn't want this on his behalf, he doesn't want William to risk his position in medical. Yes, true, Sirius deserves to be abandoned on the next rock for the good of the overall population, but not at the risk of anyone else. He's not worth that. ]
I don't even want to think about how this is going to get spun as my fault.
[ The way that Claire looks at it, William made a choice on his own to do what he did, and Severus can want it or not want it, but it doesn't change the fact that it happened, and it doesn't change the weird and warped feeling of satisfaction that settles down with her. It's not a feeling that she likes, but it's there, and it doesn't go away. ]
How could any of this possibly be spun as your fault? [ Her tone is as indignant as it is annoyed. So much for the peaceful calm of foot massages. ] Sirius Black has been here long enough to know better than to mess with something that he finds just painted across a wall that also happens to bear a striking resemblance to you. And William made his own decision to do what he did. I don't think they'll be able to find anyone from medbay who can claim that you were able to persuade the CMO while doped up on pain meds and unconscious to go break a bottle over someone's head for you in the interest of revenge.
[ Claire drags her hand back through her hair. ]
Maybe he gets what he deserves eventually, but that doesn't change the fact that he doesn't get to keep doing stuff to you here without there being consequences.
[ The actual first time that she met Severus, not counting their initial encounter by the lockers post-jump, he'd had blood splattered on his shirt as a result of Sirius Black. She's rapidly approaching a second set of fingers to count the number of times something either terrible or shitty has happened to him as a result of someone else being a prick, and she's getting sick of it. ]
[ Severus just sort of-- raises his hands and shrugs, before lowering his hands again and exhaling a sigh. ]
He's Tyke's darling, but even if he wasn't, he'd never listen to any discipline. He never has, he never will. The only way to make him stop is to put him in prison.
[ Or. Kill him. Ahah. ]
I'm tired of it. [ And how. ] But I don't know any method of sorting it that'd be effective.
[ Claire snorts, bitter. She can think of about a hundred solutions but none of them are practical or, strictly speaking, very moral. She rolls her eyes. ]
That's like the most corrupt thing I've heard. [ Not ever heard, but very probably the most corrupt thing she's heard this month. ] The head of security likes him so he not only gets a free pass to keep getting away with things, but also gets to be in the department. Yeah, okay, that continues to inspire faith.
[ Which isn't a solution, but the reality of it is that outside of given Sirius a black eye - not likely to make the situation better - Claire doesn't have any ideas. ]
You were with me when it happened anyway. Even if someone tried to construe it as you asking William to do something for you, he's still a person perfectly capable of making decisions on his own and could have just said, you know, no.
[ She glances once at the remaining bandages and the red of his eye and feels angry and a little hopeless all at the same time. It's all bullshit. ]
[ Severus gives her an odd look, and seems almost surprised. You were with me.
Even though they've progressed as much as they have, Severus is still not used to thinking of himself as anything but alone. It's just always been like that. These little things that happen, offhand phrases, touch him more than perhaps should be normal. He doesn't doubt her, it's just so unfamiliar still. ]
.. Thanks.
[ She's right. He knows, but it's still unfair and stupid and it'll end up a trainwreck, like everything does. ]
[ Claire blinks at him for a moment, almost as if she's not entirely understanding of what she's just heard let alone the context of it. Eventually her lips press together and thin her mouth out into a fine seam. ]
There are people here who care about you and who are going to stand up for you. Maybe sometimes in ways that you don't like or expect, but they'll just do it anyway because it's who and how they are. That's the way that it works. I know it's not what you're used to and kind of weird and, in this case, kind of ridiculous, but I hope that this more than anything helps you understand that not everyone is against you. [ She folds her hands together, lacing her fingers in the circle of her lap. ] If Tyke or anyone else in security tries to put this on your shoulders, they're going to have a lot of pissed off people to deal with.
[ That's probably the most that she's ever said about it, but she's careful not to find anything else to focus on other than his profile. It's how she feels, anyway, wrapped up and bundled in a stern but still heated tone, retroactively angry for all the damage that's already been done and for what might still be around the corner. Claire protects everyone that she knows and then some. It's an innate need, loud and sometimes obnoxious. ]
What I'm trying to say is that you don't have to say thanks. That's all.
[ It's borderline overwhelming, because he doesn't know how to accept it or what he's supposed to do or say. Severus doesn't have a lifetime to draw from of hugs from parents or teachers sorting out classroom fights. He's just had--
Lily.
Who Claire reminds him of so much sometimes.
He reaches out to take her folded hands in one of his, not bothering to try and articulate something. The look he shoots her is a little awkward and a little self-depreciating, trying to apologize for being an idiot about everything but trying to thank her, too. Severus can be so articulate sometimes, but when it comes to shit like this he's got no bloody clue. ]
[ She understands that more than she understands anything else about him. Maybe all the reasons and pieces don't line up in a cohesive pattern when she lays them flat and tries to lock them all together, but she doesn't need all the details to arrive at the conclusions that she has for a long time now. That he doesn't know how, entirely, to say what might be expected or just nice to hear in these scenarios doesn't matter. Claire expects to be thanked and expects him to apologize like she expects unprovoked cardiac arrest.
Both of her hands fold over the one of his that reaches out, thumb catching across a knuckle. It's a strange dichotomy sometimes, to know how acerbic and articulate he can be only to catch him in moments at a loss. If she thinks about it too much, it makes her sad to know that this is just a detour on the way back to a life that promises to be more of all the shitty things he's experienced here, with none of the injections of decency to break it up. It doesn't inspire pity or even sympathy, just a greater drive to make time worth experiencing more worthwhile, somehow. ]
That was pretty wild west of William, though. [ But there's a certain degree of fondness to be found there. ] Give me your other hand.
[ It's too difficult to comment on William, whom Severus feels torn in a dozen ways over. It was easier when he was only angry at him; Severus is good at being angry at people. He doesn't know what to do with this and doesn't want to think about it more right now.
So he gives her his other hand as requested, tangling fingers with hers. He's never experienced this sort of gentleness with anyone else. If someone is touching him it's to try and hit him. There were little exceptions, like Lucius catching him on the shoulder or back of his neck to lean in, but there was always something proprietary about it. Everything now is still a bit of a marvel. It might always be. ]
[ Expecting no comment in return, Claire spreads her fingers out on the opposite hand much the same way she had before. For now there might not be anything to say about William, despite her knowing exactly where she stands on his actions, and there might not be for a while, on Severus's end. Of course it's easier to just be mad at someone without stepping back to look at the scope of everything, but given the circumstances and the still healing radius of his eye and face, Claire doesn't prod it any further.
Rather, she bends her head and lets her knee push against his knee, and gets to work. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ It was the bus rides and the bake sales and the popularity that came with it, trying to be Jackie and being something that she wasn't in an attempt to cater to the kind of person she thought that she wanted to be. She could make an argument that all of it was what got Jackie killed but it would be a shitty and cruel argument, considering the only thing that got Jackie killed was Claire. ]
When you're younger, I think they make more of an effort to put boys and girls on the same team, and maybe in gym class. But that's not the same thing. It's kind of weird. All this emphasis at a young age and then you grow up and you aren't going to see any of the Dallas Cowboys' cheerleaders suiting up to kick a field goal. [ Blah blah blah. ] Football is odd. Sports are odd. It's all weird.
no subject
He's going to change the subject when suddenly-- ] Oh this'd be American football.
[ Okay no no that's fine this makes a bit more sense now. ]
no subject
Was it the accent that gave me away?
[ She lets her knee bump into his leg as she adjusts her position into a more comfortable one, though it's debatable that anything would be more comfortable than getting a foot massage. If she has any further thoughts about the inequality inherent in American sports, she doesn't entertain it. Instead she frees her hands from where they've pressed into the sofa cushions to catch his wrist and draw his hand into her lap. Her thumbs smooth over the lines in his palms, kneading into skin and tendon. She's not going to rub anyone's feet, but she figures he does more with his hands anyway. ]
no subject
[ And, aw, that's kind of sweet. Severus is a little bit shy about it because, as ever, he knows his hands are rough and damaged; nicked and stained all over on close inspection, pale and spiderlike anyway.
The bleak subject of sports is probably a good time to fade out into general chat, maybe companionable silence in a pretty Paris atmosphere. After a while, Severus's comms device buzzes, and he takes it out with the intent to set it aside - but it's Charles. And it
says
William is in the brig
for getting drunk and attacking Sirius
oh
Severus starts laughing. It sounds kind of pained. ]
no subject
[ She points out, before falling into relative silence so that she can focus on what she's doing and let her brain decompress a little. Not that her work is particularly testing of her brainpower, but there has been a lot to process in the last few days, and it's relaxing to just sit and not have to follow her brain's trajectory, moving at speeds upwards at several hundred miles per hour. At one point, she rearranges herself again, turning so that she's facing him directly and can give herself more immediate access to what she's doing.
He's right in listing the condition and quality of his palms and fingers, but she's not here to suggest he get a manicure. Both of her thumbs map out the surface area of his knuckles and the web of skin between thumb and forefinger, slip down to push against the heel of his hand, and then fan out over the bones in his wrist and back up again. It's monotonous and quiet, until he starts laughing, at which point she scrunches her eyebrows together and looks up at him, angling her eyes first at his comms device and then up at his profile. ]
What?
no subject
that was handwaved so no linkdisplayed before dragging his hands over his face.W H Y
Muffled, ] What a bloody idiot.
no subject
I guess getting thrown in the brig for that makes sense. [ She holds his unit out to hand back to him. ] Sirius more than deserved it.
[ There isn't an ounce of her that's saying that just to say it either. Coming across Sirius in the hallway herself, she probably would have at least broken his nose. ]
no subject
[ Severus exhales and closes his eyes. He doesn't want this on his behalf, he doesn't want William to risk his position in medical. Yes, true, Sirius deserves to be abandoned on the next rock for the good of the overall population, but not at the risk of anyone else. He's not worth that. ]
I don't even want to think about how this is going to get spun as my fault.
no subject
How could any of this possibly be spun as your fault? [ Her tone is as indignant as it is annoyed. So much for the peaceful calm of foot massages. ] Sirius Black has been here long enough to know better than to mess with something that he finds just painted across a wall that also happens to bear a striking resemblance to you. And William made his own decision to do what he did. I don't think they'll be able to find anyone from medbay who can claim that you were able to persuade the CMO while doped up on pain meds and unconscious to go break a bottle over someone's head for you in the interest of revenge.
[ Claire drags her hand back through her hair. ]
Maybe he gets what he deserves eventually, but that doesn't change the fact that he doesn't get to keep doing stuff to you here without there being consequences.
[ The actual first time that she met Severus, not counting their initial encounter by the lockers post-jump, he'd had blood splattered on his shirt as a result of Sirius Black. She's rapidly approaching a second set of fingers to count the number of times something either terrible or shitty has happened to him as a result of someone else being a prick, and she's getting sick of it. ]
no subject
He's Tyke's darling, but even if he wasn't, he'd never listen to any discipline. He never has, he never will. The only way to make him stop is to put him in prison.
[ Or. Kill him. Ahah. ]
I'm tired of it. [ And how. ] But I don't know any method of sorting it that'd be effective.
no subject
That's like the most corrupt thing I've heard. [ Not ever heard, but very probably the most corrupt thing she's heard this month. ] The head of security likes him so he not only gets a free pass to keep getting away with things, but also gets to be in the department. Yeah, okay, that continues to inspire faith.
[ Which isn't a solution, but the reality of it is that outside of given Sirius a black eye - not likely to make the situation better - Claire doesn't have any ideas. ]
You were with me when it happened anyway. Even if someone tried to construe it as you asking William to do something for you, he's still a person perfectly capable of making decisions on his own and could have just said, you know, no.
[ She glances once at the remaining bandages and the red of his eye and feels angry and a little hopeless all at the same time. It's all bullshit. ]
no subject
Even though they've progressed as much as they have, Severus is still not used to thinking of himself as anything but alone. It's just always been like that. These little things that happen, offhand phrases, touch him more than perhaps should be normal. He doesn't doubt her, it's just so unfamiliar still. ]
.. Thanks.
[ She's right. He knows, but it's still unfair and stupid and it'll end up a trainwreck, like everything does. ]
no subject
There are people here who care about you and who are going to stand up for you. Maybe sometimes in ways that you don't like or expect, but they'll just do it anyway because it's who and how they are. That's the way that it works. I know it's not what you're used to and kind of weird and, in this case, kind of ridiculous, but I hope that this more than anything helps you understand that not everyone is against you. [ She folds her hands together, lacing her fingers in the circle of her lap. ] If Tyke or anyone else in security tries to put this on your shoulders, they're going to have a lot of pissed off people to deal with.
[ That's probably the most that she's ever said about it, but she's careful not to find anything else to focus on other than his profile. It's how she feels, anyway, wrapped up and bundled in a stern but still heated tone, retroactively angry for all the damage that's already been done and for what might still be around the corner. Claire protects everyone that she knows and then some. It's an innate need, loud and sometimes obnoxious. ]
What I'm trying to say is that you don't have to say thanks. That's all.
no subject
Lily.
Who Claire reminds him of so much sometimes.
He reaches out to take her folded hands in one of his, not bothering to try and articulate something. The look he shoots her is a little awkward and a little self-depreciating, trying to apologize for being an idiot about everything but trying to thank her, too. Severus can be so articulate sometimes, but when it comes to shit like this he's got no bloody clue. ]
no subject
Both of her hands fold over the one of his that reaches out, thumb catching across a knuckle. It's a strange dichotomy sometimes, to know how acerbic and articulate he can be only to catch him in moments at a loss. If she thinks about it too much, it makes her sad to know that this is just a detour on the way back to a life that promises to be more of all the shitty things he's experienced here, with none of the injections of decency to break it up. It doesn't inspire pity or even sympathy, just a greater drive to make time worth experiencing more worthwhile, somehow. ]
That was pretty wild west of William, though. [ But there's a certain degree of fondness to be found there. ] Give me your other hand.
no subject
So he gives her his other hand as requested, tangling fingers with hers. He's never experienced this sort of gentleness with anyone else. If someone is touching him it's to try and hit him. There were little exceptions, like Lucius catching him on the shoulder or back of his neck to lean in, but there was always something proprietary about it. Everything now is still a bit of a marvel. It might always be. ]
no subject
Rather, she bends her head and lets her knee push against his knee, and gets to work. ]