[ Peter, this is seriously unfair. YOU KNOW THAT IS A NATURAL REACTION. ]
Why?
[ Her voice is firm, resolute. If he's going to the trouble of trying to make sure she doesn't so much as bump into someone, he'll have a good reason. ]
Because. Because he's not a good person and he's good at charming you and everyone else. He knows all the right things to say and he's still a piece of shit.
[ Peter cringes, trying not to confess to anything but knowing he'll have to eventually to make it through this conversation. He's silent for a few more seconds before he sighs, hard, swearing under his breath. ] He- we have a history. And it's not a good one.
[ She's not used to hearing stuff like that come out of Peter's mouth. She's heard anger and she's heard frustration and she's heard warnings, but the tone and severity is enough to garner her full attention. ]
What happened?
[ He's not going to want to tell it, but this isn't about her own curiosity. This is about Peter. ]
[ He's quiet for a few more seconds, mostly because he doesn't know where the hell to start. He doesn't know what she knows, what he can leave out; what he truly needs to say. He doesn't know what he can pretend never even happened. Not that he could lie to Claire in the first place... ]
You ever find out about when I was in Primatech?
Edited (phone tags are hard) 2014-03-12 18:07 (UTC)
I try to think about that place as little as I possibly can.
[ Which she understands is a non-answer, but she'd rather hear the story directly from him than anything she might have inferred herself or been told by other people. As they've established, their elders are less than forthcoming. ]
Edited (words are hard too) 2014-03-12 18:48 (UTC)
That's not what I asked- [ he knows why she's avoiding the topic, though. because being told something by someone in their family doesn't constitute the truth and his disappearance could've meant anything at all. not that he expected her to notice but... he still wants a baseline. ]
I just mean, did you ever hear that i'd gone missing? In the future, did I ever told you about being there for six months, having him as a next door neighbor? Anything?
[ She makes a frustrated sound into the phone, wracking her brain as much as she can. So much has happened since that confusing tumble of events that she wouldn't be surprised if she muddled it up somehow, but she's pretty sure all the same. ]
No, I don't think that ever came up. Is this... was this - after New York? [ And here there is some misplaced anger that she will be very sorry about. ] You know, when I thought you were dead.
It was after New York. [ he sighs - he knows that tone. he understands what she means by those words. ]
I was kidnapped, Claire. It wasn't exactly my choice from the start whether or not they got to keep me in one of those cells. I didn't get to make calls home and visits were kind of out of the question. I didn't want anyone thinking I was dead, I wasn't trying to be forgotten about.
[ How he could even think that after she tethered herself so firmly to him, after she reached so far and he grasped her hand back. They were the only two floating in that storm, together, and she hasn't let go of that since. She remembers with perfect clarity the way her voice had sounded when she tried to talk to Nathan about missing Peter, how that had hurt and not healed as immediately as anything else. ]
If I had been told any of that at the time, you know I wouldn't have sat there and let it happen. What did happen to you? What does this have to do with this Adam person?
[ How angry does she have to be with Angela and her father. ]
[ he exhales, trying to prepare for a story he doesn't want to tell, trying to figure out where to start and what to leave off and what claire needs to hear and what she doesn't. all without lying for a single second of it. because the thought of lying to her is riddled with guilt all on its own and he wouldn't dream of actually going ahead and doing it. not to her; not out of everyone. she's the one who'll always get the whole truth if only because no one else would do the same. ]
After the explosion, I took Nathan to the hospital. And from there- I ran into Elle and her father. [ a beat ] And I mean she ran into me with her ability, knocked me out and took me to Primatech. I was in one of those... cells for six months. Took their Haitian pills for almost the entire time until Adam told me to stop and decided on a way to escape. He was in the cell next to mine.
That's only the start of what he has to do with it.
[ The contempt that rises up in her gut for Elle is nothing short of the same acidic tang that vomit leaves after it's come roaring out of your mouth. Claire can feel her features rearranging into scorn. ]
Yeah, that sounds just like Elle. [ Her comment is flippant but her tone is not. Had she known what had been done to Peter after all that he had already been through, she probably would have punched that window out and then punched Elle in the face. ] What did he do, Peter?
[ it's the longest pause yet, but it's not because of the fact that he doesn't know what to say. it's that he knows exactly what to say and he can't find the right second to say it. as if one's somehow better than the next, or if it'll be easier if he just waits one more moment. it's not something he ever says lightly (ever says at all) and it tastes wrong, sounds wrong in his head, his brain screaming that he can't say it lest he be judged just as poorly. adam's failures will forever feel like his own. ]
He tried to release a virus that was going to kill ninety-three percent of the population. [ he tells himself not to wait, just say it, just say it. ] And he convinced me to help him by saying we were going to save the world. That we were going to destroy it. He wanted to release it the entire time and I saw that future. I went there. I even knew what it looked like I- I almost helped him.
[ She almost doesn't realize that she's said it until the line on her end doesn't ring hollow and is instead saturated with the sound of her own voice. It isn't like she can begrudge him, really - Claire has been led astray once or twice, too, but she's always thought that her convictions were strong enough to deter that kind of suggestion - but she has also always looked at Peter as some infallible thing even in the face of the mistakes that he's made. Hearing them stacked up for her to digest has never been easy, and she's brought back to that rooftop, waiting for him again to dive off the roof in search of something else to fix. ]
But you didn't help him. You didn't. Because the world didn't become some desolate, apocalyptic place, and for as much as they eventually went to hell, as most things tend to do with our little group, it never amounted to that.
[ So don't blame yourself, Peter, because she knows that you do that a lot. ]
[ peter blames himself for it anyway. not as much as he used to, but talking about it is always a reminder of what he's done wrong. like exploding in new york is a reminder of how dangerous he can be - other people's reactions are everything and knowing how others feel are all that matters at time when he wants to know if he's done something wrong. they're not all and he knows, he knows it's not his fault but at the same time he's completely aware that without his help, they wouldn't have been anything at all. ]
I just need you to know. I don't want you to talk to him but you will because I can't tell you what to do and i'm not going to try. [ though he wishes he could. ] But you need to know who he is, Claire. Because he won't tell you the truth.
[ She's never going to hold him accountable, not for things like this and not for nearly as long as she holds others accountable. There are plenty of things that Claire blames herself for - losing Meredith, allowing Sylar to become immortal, on and on - that she knows he would absolutely never place as burdens on her shoulders. Claire knows him enough to know the amount of responsibility he takes for every bad thing that happens to any of them. As a result, she's gentle with him in her approach. ]
I'm not going to talk to him just because you told me not to. I can't promise that I won't ever. I want to be honest with you about that. But Peter - [ She pauses, chewing on the words in her mouth until their good and raw. ] Look, people have spent the majority of my life lying to me. You're the only one who's ever been honest. I'm not gonna forget that.
[ She's eighteen. She can make her own decisions. But so much of who she is has been shaped by him, and she'll stand by him in the face of most things and resent everything that makes her choose otherwise. ]
[ peter appreciates all of it in a way he can't rightly express - appreciates isn't even the right word, save for how he feels about her not smacking him in the face over it. even if he deserves it; every single person who's told him it wasn't his fault is wrong and peter knows it. but he still appreciates being treated like the good guy when he knows he isn't. but when it comes to claire... she's everything that's ever made him feel connected and to still have that even after he's royally fucked up (yet again) is all that's important. ]
I know you won't. Just- promise you won't listen to his bullshit?
[ because it's all he'll feed you. it's all there'll be. and peter forgets that as often as anyone else. ]
Don't worry. I've had to listen to Sylar for more than five minutes. I'm pretty used to pompous bullshit. [ More importantly - ] What's this guy look like?
Short blonde hair, only a little taller than I am. Maybe a couple inches. Average build? [ a beat. start describing him too much more and all that staring he used to do will become a little more evident. ]
Yeah, but that doesn't count. [ snort, wait hold on. can they maybe not compare the two. ] I mean- Spike counts, he just isn't anything like Adam. Adam's got shorter hair and he's taller, for one thing. For another, Adam's a little less punk rock.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
voice;
Why?
[ Her voice is firm, resolute. If he's going to the trouble of trying to make sure she doesn't so much as bump into someone, he'll have a good reason. ]
voice;
[ Peter cringes, trying not to confess to anything but knowing he'll have to eventually to make it through this conversation. He's silent for a few more seconds before he sighs, hard, swearing under his breath. ] He- we have a history. And it's not a good one.
voice;
What happened?
[ He's not going to want to tell it, but this isn't about her own curiosity. This is about Peter. ]
voice;
You ever find out about when I was in Primatech?
voice;
[ Which she understands is a non-answer, but she'd rather hear the story directly from him than anything she might have inferred herself or been told by other people. As they've established, their elders are less than forthcoming. ]
voice;
I just mean, did you ever hear that i'd gone missing? In the future, did I ever told you about being there for six months, having him as a next door neighbor? Anything?
voice;
No, I don't think that ever came up. Is this... was this - after New York? [ And here there is some misplaced anger that she will be very sorry about. ] You know, when I thought you were dead.
voice;
I was kidnapped, Claire. It wasn't exactly my choice from the start whether or not they got to keep me in one of those cells. I didn't get to make calls home and visits were kind of out of the question. I didn't want anyone thinking I was dead, I wasn't trying to be forgotten about.
voice;
[ How he could even think that after she tethered herself so firmly to him, after she reached so far and he grasped her hand back. They were the only two floating in that storm, together, and she hasn't let go of that since. She remembers with perfect clarity the way her voice had sounded when she tried to talk to Nathan about missing Peter, how that had hurt and not healed as immediately as anything else. ]
If I had been told any of that at the time, you know I wouldn't have sat there and let it happen. What did happen to you? What does this have to do with this Adam person?
[ How angry does she have to be with Angela and her father. ]
voice;
[ he exhales, trying to prepare for a story he doesn't want to tell, trying to figure out where to start and what to leave off and what claire needs to hear and what she doesn't. all without lying for a single second of it. because the thought of lying to her is riddled with guilt all on its own and he wouldn't dream of actually going ahead and doing it. not to her; not out of everyone. she's the one who'll always get the whole truth if only because no one else would do the same. ]
After the explosion, I took Nathan to the hospital. And from there- I ran into Elle and her father. [ a beat ] And I mean she ran into me with her ability, knocked me out and took me to Primatech. I was in one of those... cells for six months. Took their Haitian pills for almost the entire time until Adam told me to stop and decided on a way to escape. He was in the cell next to mine.
That's only the start of what he has to do with it.
voice;
Yeah, that sounds just like Elle. [ Her comment is flippant but her tone is not. Had she known what had been done to Peter after all that he had already been through, she probably would have punched that window out and then punched Elle in the face. ] What did he do, Peter?
voice;
He tried to release a virus that was going to kill ninety-three percent of the population. [ he tells himself not to wait, just say it, just say it. ] And he convinced me to help him by saying we were going to save the world. That we were going to destroy it. He wanted to release it the entire time and I saw that future. I went there. I even knew what it looked like I- I almost helped him.
voice;
[ She almost doesn't realize that she's said it until the line on her end doesn't ring hollow and is instead saturated with the sound of her own voice. It isn't like she can begrudge him, really - Claire has been led astray once or twice, too, but she's always thought that her convictions were strong enough to deter that kind of suggestion - but she has also always looked at Peter as some infallible thing even in the face of the mistakes that he's made. Hearing them stacked up for her to digest has never been easy, and she's brought back to that rooftop, waiting for him again to dive off the roof in search of something else to fix. ]
But you didn't help him. You didn't. Because the world didn't become some desolate, apocalyptic place, and for as much as they eventually went to hell, as most things tend to do with our little group, it never amounted to that.
[ So don't blame yourself, Peter, because she knows that you do that a lot. ]
voice;
[ peter blames himself for it anyway. not as much as he used to, but talking about it is always a reminder of what he's done wrong. like exploding in new york is a reminder of how dangerous he can be - other people's reactions are everything and knowing how others feel are all that matters at time when he wants to know if he's done something wrong. they're not all and he knows, he knows it's not his fault but at the same time he's completely aware that without his help, they wouldn't have been anything at all. ]
I just need you to know. I don't want you to talk to him but you will because I can't tell you what to do and i'm not going to try. [ though he wishes he could. ] But you need to know who he is, Claire. Because he won't tell you the truth.
voice;
I'm not going to talk to him just because you told me not to. I can't promise that I won't ever. I want to be honest with you about that. But Peter - [ She pauses, chewing on the words in her mouth until their good and raw. ] Look, people have spent the majority of my life lying to me. You're the only one who's ever been honest. I'm not gonna forget that.
[ She's eighteen. She can make her own decisions. But so much of who she is has been shaped by him, and she'll stand by him in the face of most things and resent everything that makes her choose otherwise. ]
voice;
I know you won't. Just- promise you won't listen to his bullshit?
[ because it's all he'll feed you. it's all there'll be. and peter forgets that as often as anyone else. ]
voice;
Don't worry. I've had to listen to Sylar for more than five minutes. I'm pretty used to pompous bullshit. [ More importantly - ] What's this guy look like?
voice;
Very british.
voice;
[ Honestly, she's joking. ]
voice;
Any of them started talking about how long they've been alive for? [ Please say no. ]
voice;
No, that hasn't actually come up in conversation. [ Pause. ] Well, actually, yeah, Spike mentioned something like that. But he's Spike.
voice;
[ ... whatever that means. ] If that helps any.
voice;
[ She gets it, Peter, she actually does. It's just fun to tease you. ]
Re: voice;
Something like that.